Chapter 7

Later, I studied step by step, but there was a bit of sweetness in that hard work, like the candy my mother hid when I was a child. When I behaved well, I could lick it and then I felt, ah, today is also a good day. When I was particularly tired, I went to chat with Xu Jiamu, chatted with him for a few words, and read the sentence “I’m waiting for you in Shanghai” he sent, and my exhaustion seemed to be dispelled in an instant.

When did things start to change. It seems to be the most ordinary weekend, and I can’t wait to share this week’s life with Xu Jiamu as usual. I want to say that a fierce and fat big orange cat sneaked into the school. I want to say that it was around six o’clock The school playground is so beautiful, I want to say that it is very interesting to read a book this week, I want him to spell out one sentence from the pile of nonsense I babbled——Xu Jiamu, I miss you so much.

But before I had time to open the dialog box with him, my eagerness was completely watered down by the rain.

His avatar is no longer that silly Shiba Inu, but a cute and cute anime image that doesn’t fit him very well. The half of the picture that is obviously missing clearly tells me that this is a couple.

I know Xu Jiamu too well, his character is used to me and I have pondered it thousands of times in my heart. He is not a person who can use love pictures with friends. We all have the same obsession with old things. The objects we are used to, the songs we like, the people around us, and even our small avatars will not change easily.

The sudden change of avatar and his sometimes forgetting to respond to messages in the past few weeks, everything is too obvious.

Xu Jiamu is in love.

The boy who said to wait for me in Shanghai, the boy who comforted me when I was helpless, the boy who lit the fairy wand for me, the boy who I thought I could stand shoulder to shoulder with him when I grow up, the boy who I secretly kept in my heart fell in love.

He didn’t make an official announcement, but changed the sign into a little red heart. He didn’t say anything, but the latest one in Moments is his own playing and singing video – “Today You Will Marry Me”.

There is no feeling of heartache and suffocation in the novel. I just feel that my eyes are sore and I will not cry, but my heart is very depressed and wronged.

From the age of fourteen to seventeen, I waited for so long, and I would not be a little sister soon, but Xu Jiamu refused to wait for me.

After three years of persistence, I vaguely understood that the age difference between me and Xu Jiamu is not three years old.

Zhou Jingwei could be Xu Jiamu’s little sister, or Xu Jiamu’s friend, but he couldn’t be Xu Jiamu’s girlfriend. Xu Jiamu’s girlfriend must be like a fairy, but Zhou Jingwei’s facial features are mediocre, her figure is not good enough, she is an ordinary girl who can’t be found in the crowd.

Xu Jiamu and Zhou Jingwei are the bright sun and a sunflower in the daytime. The sun never belongs to me, but the sun does shine on me.

But I am not reconciled, no one does not want to monopolize the sun, how much I want my sun to shine only for me.

A friend sent me a link a long time ago. It is very boring. Enter any number from 1 to 520, and a corresponding love sentence will be generated.

My head got hot, I found the link and sent it to Xu Jiamu. Two minutes had passed before I realized what a stupid thing I had done, and it was too late to withdraw it. I thought again, maybe it’s just a coincidence, maybe I’m thinking too much, what if… what if it’s not what I thought.

People always have something to think about.

After some time, Xu Jiamu sent a message.

Not a single extra word, just a question mark.

Utopia: Hahaha, don’t you think it’s very interesting, the programmer is really awesome.

The reason is so rough that I can’t bear to look at it myself.

Huangfu Tieniu: Hahaha yes

Maybe Xu Jiamu is too good at taking care of other people’s emotions, or maybe I described him too carefully, he clearly only said four words, but I could read the alienation in his words.

Utopia: You can send it to your girlfriend, girls will like it, don’t say I didn’t help you

Followed by a panda head emoticon package.

Huangfu Tieniu: You said it yourself, I’ll use it, don’t say I’m showing you love

Utopia: Congratulations, I found a fairy

Huangfu Tieniu: Hahahahahahaha thank you

Tsk, his overjoyed mood really made me sad, and now I don’t even have the last bit of luck, and Xu Jiamu personally wiped it out.

Although I found reasons to evade the link, it was clear that Xu Jiamu and I had become farther apart since that day, and we hardly talked to each other again.

It’s so unfair. The intimacy between people is determined by two people, but distance is not. If a person deliberately alienates you, no matter what you do, you can’t get closer. Just like me and Xu Jiamu, it took me so long to become friends with him, even my confidant, but now we have become the avatars in each other’s contacts that have not been lit up for a long time, quietly staying in the communication with the title of “my friend” The stranger in the corner is nothing more than a “thank you” from him.

My life is going on as usual, and I am not as attached to him as I imagined. It may be because of the natural restraint in my personality. After Xu Jiamu fell in love, I neither cried bitterly, nor was I depressed. It was just that during a night of self-study, I raised my head and rubbed my sore neck because I bowed my head for too long. When the dim light of the setting sun enters the classroom through the windows, I still think of Xu Jiamu unconsciously.

I also often look at the southeast, and think about how Xu Jiamu is doing now. He hasn’t sent me his daily routine for a long time. There is no lock for the bathroom. Press the lock and there is no. I don’t wish him a bad life just because he didn’t choose me, that’s his freedom, I used to like that person so much, even now, I hope from the bottom of my heart that he can be safe and everything goes well.

Forget Xu Jiamu, don’t everything goes well, everything goes well.

Later, a boy in the class confessed to me. I thought, what is it like to be in love, and what is Xu Jiamu’s feeling now? I am reading “Chang’an Ke”, I like Li Bai very much, he told me that he played Thief Six in the glory of the king; he told me that there is a ball game recently, and excitedly talked about his favorite star, I can only laugh and agree, other words I couldn’t hold back half a sentence. He didn’t try to get into my world, and I didn’t want to get into his. Later, I learned that he and I were not serious about our relationship, but I was relieved. So peacefully and hastily, my first love ended.

As a person, I just can’t “almost get it”, how much is the difference, it’s not Xu Jiamu at all.

After the summer vacation is the third year of high school, life in the third year of high school is unbelievably fast, and gradually, I don’t even have the time to miss Xu Jiamu once in a while. But in the blink of an eye, the first half of the semester is over. High school students don’t deserve winter vacation. After eating, they have to go back to school for the seven-day holiday of Chinese New Year.

I sat alone on the balcony, and the fireworks downstairs are still very beautiful, and there are even a few new tricks this year.

But no one lit the fairy wand for me anymore.