Chapter 63 monologue

Ji Yu put down my wrist, turned around and lit the lamp. The faint firelight illuminated the room, and my pale face on the hospital bed was also warmed by the firelight.

Ji Yu sat on the edge of the bed and looked at “me” quietly for a while, then suddenly sighed and lay on her side next to me, as if she was extremely tired. His eyes were bloodshot, he looked seriously at “I” on the bed with his eyes closed, and said softly, “It’s the fourth day, and I still can’t fall asleep.”

“If this continues, if you don’t wake up, I will die.” Ji Yu’s voice was low with a smile, as if she was joking. But after he finished speaking, he stopped smiling, and the light in his eyes slowly sank.

He looked at the unconscious patient in front of him, as if the emotions he had accumulated for a long time finally leaked out, his eyes became very complicated. Ji Yu snorted and said, “You only like A Yao, you are such a life-saving person, since A Yao is dead, why do you still do these things for me?”

“You people, whether it’s Gu Ling, Shen Baiwu, or you, I didn’t see you when I was not trusted and suffered. Now that I have changed, I line up one by one to miss the old me. I don’t think so. Ridiculous?”

In this silent night, only candlelight, moonlight, insects and birds chirping, and a deaf patient, it was the first time I saw Ji Yu showing secret emotions that were almost aggrieved.

He never let the people around him mention Ayao, and he seemed to hate it deeply. But maybe he is the one who misses A Yao the most.

I felt sad and said softly, “I’m sorry.”

A lot of times I was just protecting myself, afraid of getting hurt from him. But I didn’t seriously think about how cruel it would be for him to say that I only like A Yao in front of him.

Naturally, Ji Yu couldn’t hear my voice, so he stretched out his hand to brush the long hair hanging from my forehead, twirled it around his fingertips, and said softly: “I remember the time I met you, isn’t it just to teach you?” Singing, isn’t it just telling you some stories? How can you remember it for more than ten years at once? Could it be… even such a little kindness, you haven’t felt it in these ten years, right?”

“Song Changjun said that you have been very quiet since you were a child. Except for following Jiang Qiqi, you just read books. You stay in the library in the palace for a day or a year. You always ask Mr. Tai Shiling strange questions. When Tai Shiling wants When I got to the bottom of it, I stopped talking. For so many years, no one knew what you were thinking, and he thought you must be very lonely.”

Ji Yu paused, scratched the tip of my nose with her fingers, and said softly: “I think so too. I really want to know what you are thinking, you are so smart, and often I don’t know how much you show. How much is true and how much is false.”

I remembered that one of the questions Ji Yu likes to ask me most is—what are you thinking? I’ve always taken it as an inquiry, and naturally built up a defense against not telling the truth.

It never occurred to me that he actually wanted to know me too.

Ji Yu didn’t know what came to mind, frowned and pulled my hair, and said childishly: “What do you mean ‘the most famous son in the world should be matched by the most beautiful woman in the world’, you are trying to match me ?Who is my match, Xin Ran, Yong Chang, Su Cheng, Chang Le?”

“Ah, speaking of Changle. I know that if I give her to King Zhao, you must feel that I am heartless again, and that people like me cannot be trusted. Yes, I made a deal with King Zhao to save you. Life. Zhao Wang saw that Shen Baiwu had eyes on you, he wanted you to be buried for Shen Baiwu, if it wasn’t for this deal, you would be in Shen Baiwu’s tomb now.”

After a pause, Ji Yu lowered his eyes, he was silent for a while and smiled wryly: “This is not a good thing to be upright, even if you know it, you won’t accept my favor.”

“You are alienated and friendly to everyone, but you are the most suspicious and indifferent to me. The girls who liked me in the past always had a lot of assumptions and demands on me. I just cooperate, but when I come to you, I don’t know what you want at all. what.”

“You are more honest when you are drunk, and you will hold me and not let go.” Ji Yu stared at me with her arms on her pillow, laughed softly, pinched my cheek on the hospital bed, and said, “Even if your name is A Ya, I forgive you too.”

“I said before that the person you like is lucky for three lives. I’m serious. When I first met you, I thought that people like you will either not like people for the rest of their lives. If they like someone, it will be a lifetime. But If you liked me before, how can you like me now?”

“Even I hate who I am now.”

I looked at Ji Yu who was talking non-stop under the flickering lights. He was probably too exhausted to maintain his usual proud and perfect shell. Maybe he never said these words to anyone, and he wouldn’t say them to me if I woke up.

He has been here for eleven years, and he will continue to do so in the future.

“Aren’t you waking up soon? Listen carefully, I don’t raise idlers here. If you don’t wake up again, I’ll throw you away and feed it to the dogs…”

He just talked in such a low voice, slowly closed his eyes and fell asleep. When he fell asleep, he held my hand, interlocking his fingers whether it was intentional or unintentional, and shared a pillow with me quietly.

This person said that he was going to lose me, but he held my hand tightly.

I sat at the end of the bed watching this scene, and I felt sore and warm in my heart. If I hadn’t been a soul now, I would have cried. Because what I want is actually this, to be sure that I am loved by him, and then to say what is in my heart in an ordinary way, and to hug and lie down.

Although I don’t know if Ji Yu’s liking can be called love, but he seems to really like me very much.

If I could talk now and stand in front of him, I would definitely ask him why he likes me. What kind of girl in this world he can’t get, why does he like me. If people like him who are loved by thousands of people will like me, then why did no one care about me liking me in the long years before. It was Shen Baiwu’s liking, and it was also because of the loneliness and confusion in his sickness that he caught me in a panic.

I always thought it was because of my problem, maybe people like me are not worthy of being loved.

If it’s not my problem, then why is this?

Can someone like me love and be loved?

But I can’t ask these questions anymore, no one can hear my voice, and no one can answer me. I didn’t know for a moment whether what I experienced was a gift or a punishment from the gods.

The next morning, Xia Wan pushed open the door of this room in a hurry. It seemed that she had just gone to the next door and found that Ji Yu was missing, so she ran to look in a hurry. Seeing that Ji Yu was not covered with a quilt, but fell asleep holding my hand, Xia Wan stood there in a daze for a long time.

Then her eyes turned red, and she ran to the next door and hugged a quilt to cover Ji Yu’s body vaguely. Her hands and feet were light and Ji Yu slept deeply and did not wake up. After that, she stood guard at the door of the room, not to be disturbed by others.

Ji Yu didn’t wake up until it was almost time. He looked at me for a while, and his first reaction was to feel my pulse. Seeing that my pulse was normal, he lifted the quilt and got out of bed. He was not surprised to see Xia Wan standing outside when he opened the door, and told her to call the doctor to see me.

After such a good sleep, Ji Yu’s spirit improved a lot, but she was still a little absent-minded. After he processed the information in the morning, he couldn’t sit still, especially after Xia Wan came to his room to report.

Xia Wan said that the doctor came to see me and said that my condition is not very good. Today is the third day and there is no sign of waking up. If you don’t wake up before tonight, it probably won’t work.

At that time, Ji Yu’s fists were clenched under his sleeves. He seemed to want to say something, but he didn’t say anything.

On this day, he rejected all the visits and affairs, but he had nothing else to do, he just wandered aimlessly in Qingning Lord’s Mansion for a long time. I still didn’t wake up at night, Ji Yu rummaged through the bookshelves a little anxiously, but there seemed to be no book that caught my eye, and my gaze finally fell on a bundled scroll.

I recognized the scroll as his portrait of me, which he had been painting for three days, and which I had never seen in a good way. His fingers stroked the portrait a few times but he didn’t take it apart. After a moment of silence, he turned around and left, and opened the door to my room next door.

Xia Wan Lingshang was still guarding in that room, saluting when he saw him coming. Ji Yu asked them to go out first, and after the two of them left, there were only him and me left in the room.

Ji Yu sat by my bed, seemed a little angry and a little confused. He rubbed his fingers, and after a long silence, he turned his gaze to me and said, “You haven’t told me what you think of me, and why are you willing to sacrifice yourself to save Xinran.”

I walked up to him and wanted to hug him. I replied, “Don’t you know? I love you because I love you.”

I don’t know how long my time is left, how long I can look at him like this. Before jumping off the cliff, I couldn’t say I liked him because of my pride. I still want to say it to him personally before I die.

Ji Yu’s eyes slowly narrowed, and he sneered as if angry: “Are you going to leave me with this mystery? You really have it, and it’s you, Jiang Jiuqing.”

At the end he almost gritted his teeth, he grabbed my silent wrist fiercely, his eyes seemed to have a lot of words to scold me.

Those amber eyes trembled and trembled, but suddenly smiled helplessly. He raised the corner of his mouth slightly, it was an extremely sad smile, I watched him slowly leaning over to my ear, speaking slowly word by word.

“Okay, you win, I lose.”

“I’ve lost to you. I’ve lost my armor and my body. I like you very much. I love you. As long as you wake up, I’m yours.”

For the first time, he broke his pride and said in a low voice, “I beg you to wake up.”

I stared blankly at him, suddenly felt dizzy, and the world quickly spun out of my field of vision.

Before losing consciousness, I thought, maybe the gods know what my real greed is, and it’s not just my reaction when he knows my “death”.

I want to hear him say he loves me, and I want him to lose to me once.

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The arrogant Ji Yu finally conceded defeat.

Heart: (He finally confessed!! Weeping! But classmate Ji Yu only confesses when someone faints, it’s not a confession, it’s a white confession!)