Chapter 67

Tao Xiaodong really annoyed Tang Suoyan, a few words could make him get out of the car and leave without turning his head.

He was caught in the middle of the road by himself, unable to walk or stop.

This level of conflict was the second time. The first time was before the two got married. Because of the family member of the mentally ill patient, Tang Suoyan sent Tao Xiaodong home without communicating. That time Tao Xiaodong slammed the car door and left.

It’s ridiculous to think about it now, the cause and effect are similar, but this time it’s reversed.

He understands what it feels like to be rejected and deliberately avoided by someone he cares about, and he has tasted it.

Tao Xiaodong sat in the car, lowered his head in a daze, and then slowly leaned on the steering wheel, with his forehead resting on his arm. He didn’t continue to start the car until the horn started to sound from behind.

Tao Xiaodong drove around along the elevated outer ring road, but he had nowhere to go, and his mind and heart were in a mess. There are many cars and people in the city, and the street lights suddenly light up overhead, the world in front of me changes color, and the gray and dark tones disappear in an instant, becoming gorgeous, hazy, and more dreamy.

Everyone dreams, and there are so many people in Liangliangtangtang in the dream, hoping that they will always be free to do things as they please.

When I got home at 8 o’clock in the evening, I entered 826826 key by key. The first time Tang Suoyan called that boring name on the bed, Tao Xiaodong couldn’t bear it, and shivered for a long time under some extreme feeling. Later, my fingers didn’t have any strength, and I lay there for a long time, my voice was muffled in the pillow, and I was too embarrassed to raise my head, asking why I called it so…

Tang Suoyan was hugging him at the time, pampering him, and having just done an intimate thing, his low laughing voice was **** and hot, and he put his ear in his mouth and asked: “Don’t you still not know What does the password mean?”

Tao Xiaodong was stunned for a while, and then he was stunned when he realized it. After a long time, he dragged his voice “Damn…” in the pillow.

Since then, every time the door is opened, it is beautiful.

Because this Tao Xiaodong deliberately re-entered the fingerprints, and entered the fingerprints every time he opened the door. Which old man would be ashamed to enter this “826826” by himself.

There are six keys in total, each of which is wrapped in the affection of the lover.

The room was dark, and no lights were turned on except in the study. Tang Suoyan didn’t even leave him a lamp.

Tao Xiaodong took off his coat and hung it by the door, turned on the light, and said to the study, “Brother Yan, I’m back.”

No one answered him, Tang Suoyan was busy in front of the computer, and the only answer to him was the sound of typing on the keyboard.

There were dishes left on the table, and no one came out to warm him up. Tao Xiaodong actually didn’t have much appetite, he wasn’t hungry at all. But still sat down and took a few bites, it wasn’t too cold.

Tang Suoyan was always in the study. Tao Xiaodong looked at him twice at the door, but Tang Suoyan didn’t look up, as if he hadn’t seen him. Tao Xiaodong was sitting on the sofa, the flowers on the balcony hadn’t bothered to change the water in the past two days, and they were a little wilted. He sat on the balcony for a while, staring at the darkness outside the window.

Before going to bed, he went to deliver a glass of milk to Tang Suoyan, put it on the table, and said softly, “Go to bed early, Brother Yan.”

Tang Suoyan still didn’t look up, but looked at the screen: “Go to sleep, don’t worry about me.”

Tao Xiaodong pursed his lips, standing there as if he wanted to say something, but couldn’t speak. He turned around and went out in silence, instead of going back to his room to sleep, he continued to sit on the sofa in a daze.

How long or how short the time is is unclear. When people are in a daze, their judgment on time is ineffective. I don’t know how long it took, Tang Suoyan came out of the study, saw him sitting in the living room, took a look at him and went to wash up.

Tao Xiaodong stood up and walked over. He knew Tang Suoyan was angry and why he was angry. There are some things that can’t be said between lovers, because it hurts too much. That is to say, Tang Suoyan’s temper is not in a hurry. If it were him, he probably would have exploded many times by now.

The clothes hadn’t been changed yet, and he was still dressed in the daytime, and Tao Xiaodong didn’t even take off his hat. He stood at the bathroom door and looked at Tang Suoyan, but Tang Suoyan didn’t even look at him in the mirror.

Tao Xiaodong called out “Brother Yan”.

It seems that he can’t say anything except these two words now.

The bubble at the corner of the mouth almost sealed the mouth, and it hurts a lot to speak in such a small way, Tao Xiaodong raised his hand to touch it.

Tang Suoyan spat out the foam in his mouth: “Anything to say?”

Have something to say? Tao Xiaodong laughed at himself, he had nothing to say, he couldn’t say a word.

After rinsing his mouth and washing his face, Tang Suoyan didn’t wait for Tao Xiaodong any longer, and just said, “Let’s go.”

Tao Xiaodong took a step back, Tang Suoyan left the bathroom, turned off the light and entered the guest bedroom.

They usually sleep in the master bedroom.

That night Tao Xiaodong lay in his clothes all night without taking off his clothes.

It was the first time to lie down like this without hair tied around his neck. Tao Xiaodong raised his hand and stroked his head. It has been a day, and now he still doesn’t feel comfortable with it.

He didn’t sleep all night, and when he closed his eyes, he was oppressed and breathless, and he lay with his eyes open for half the night.

Darkness is the protective layer of human beings. No matter how difficult emotions are, they can swell and ferment wantonly in the darkness. There is no need to hide or hide, to hide from others, or to hide from oneself.

Human capacity is limited, and Tao Xiaodong has been too full recently.

At the beginning, I was psychologically overwhelmed, but later I couldn’t breathe, and my chest was so stuffy that I felt nauseous. He sat up and took a few breaths.

Stuffy, want to vomit.

In fact, he didn’t know how many days he hadn’t slept and couldn’t fall asleep. Pulling, irritability, anxiety, emotions are trapped in a narrower and narrower frame, and there is no turning back and no exit.

Tao Xiaodong sat by the bed, seeing indiscriminate blackness in front of him, so dark that he seemed to be lost from this world.

He curled himself up, pressed his upper body down, and shrunk himself into a twisted mess.

Early the next morning, when he came out of the room, Tang Suoyan frowned when he saw his expression.

Tao Xiaodong pursed his lips, watched him want to speak, but opened his mouth but said nothing. I don’t want to call him “Brother Yan” dryly anymore, but all I can say is “Don’t be angry”. It’s all nonsense, it’s better not to talk nonsense.

Tang Suoyan waited for him for a while, but nothing came. He didn’t look well, and he didn’t sleep well either.

Before going out, Tang Suoyan asked: “What you said yesterday meant that you wanted to separate?”

His voice was quite calm, and he looked at Tao Xiaodong: “Did I get it wrong?”

Tao Xiaodong looked up at him, his eyes were a little absent-minded, and the “yes” was stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t open his mouth no matter what.

From this day on, Tang Suoyan really ignored him.

When Tao Xiaodong said “don’t worry about me”, Tang Suoyan really stopped asking.

He even drove his own car to work, and returned by himself after get off work, and the two of them couldn’t speak a few words. At first, Tao Xiaodong could still call him “Brother Yan”. Every time he opened his mouth, Tang Suoyan looked at him, waiting for him to speak.

Tao Xiaodong’s mouth seemed to be blocked, and the blister at the corner of his mouth turned into a festering scab, sealing his mouth. Every time I opened my mouth, there was a sharp pain, half of my face was numb from the pain, and my heartbeat flustered abnormally.

Later, Tao Xiaodong couldn’t even say “Brother Yan”.

He didn’t speak in the store, and he still had normal communication with customers, otherwise he lost his voice. Whenever anyone talked to him, he smiled and pointed to the corner of his mouth, indicating that his mouth hurts.

Eating hurts, drinking water hurts, and sometimes it bleeds, and when it bleeds, he licks it, and if he forgets to lick it, he continues to scab.

The hair is gone, the person is emaciated, and the mouth is rotten.

No matter how you look at it, it’s miserable.

Tao Xiaodong hadn’t been home during this time, Tao Huainan was too thoughtful and his mind was spinning too fast, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to hide it from him. The two brothers sent a few messages every day, but Tao Huainan didn’t call or ask him to call back.

On Saturday, Tang Suoyan went to the laboratory and Tao Xiaodong went to the store, neither of them stayed at home.

Before Tang Suoyan left, he put the medicine on the coffee table and asked Tao Xiaodong to apply it.

He actually asked him to paint it every day, and Tao Xiaodong did it too, but occasionally he forgot. That day Tang Suoyan watched him apply the medicine to the corner of his mouth before leaving. They hadn’t said anything else for several days.

After Tang Suoyan left, Tao Xiaodong curled up on the sofa for a while. Recently, he likes to curl up like this when no one is around. It seems that only by curling up like this can he relax and feel comfortable.

They were so close and such a good couple, but now they are like this.

The house has recently become dull and depressing, starting to look like it used to.

When Tang Suoyan went to the laboratory the next day, Tao Xiaodong hadn’t left yet. The customers who were in line today were temporarily canceled in the morning, and Tao Xiaodong had no arrangements for today.

Tang Suoyan watched him apply the medicine for a while longer, Tao Xiaodong also looked at him, but still didn’t speak. Later Tang Suoyan left, and when the door was closed, Tao Xiaodong closed his eyes.

When Tang Suoyan came back in the afternoon, he saw Tao Xiaodong fell asleep sitting on the balcony with his back against the glass door.

It was cloudy outside, there was no sun, and the light in the house was very dark. Tao Xiaodong was curled up with his head buried in his arms and one hand covering his head.

Although Tang Suoyan had already lightened his steps, he still woke up. He didn’t sleep very well. To say that he fell asleep would be better said that he fell into a half-truth and half-fake dream in a trance.

He looked up at Tang Suoyan, who was standing next to him, seeming to sigh.

“I don’t know if there is something really wrong with me.” Tang Suoyan also sat down, sitting next to Tao Xiaodong.

“Is it me that people don’t trust? Can’t you trust me?” He looked at Tao Xiaodong and asked him.

Tao Xiaodong looked at him shaking his head, and the moment he opened his mouth, the corner of his mouth hurt so much that he shivered.

A sore doesn’t hurt that much.

Tao Xiaodong frowned a little irritably, wondering how life became like this day by day.

“Don’t frown.” Tang Suoyan sat next to him, talking to him, “If you really think it’s better to separate, and it’s appropriate, then you can do it.”

“I never mentioned Tangning to you. You are you, and he is him. You are different.” Tang Suoyan looked at the corner of his mouth and said slowly, “In the past, Tangning mentioned breaking up from time to time. Get used to it, let him go if he wants to go, go back if he wants to go back. I mentioned him to you today just to tell you, don’t be so uncomfortable, just go if you really want to go. ”

It hurt him to talk about Tangning. This seemed to be Tang Suoyan’s first mention of Tangning, and Tao Xiaodong’s heart was broken into pieces. The corner of his mouth hurt so much that he wanted to gasp, Tao Xiaodong buried his head in his arms, his brain was swollen, and his temple throbbed in pain.

“I’ve reviewed your medical report several times, and I’ve confirmed that there’s nothing wrong with it. If it wasn’t for illness, I can’t think of what made you so negative. I don’t have a clue. Is it difficult for you to be with me?” Tang Suoyan looked down Looking at him, he continued to talk about himself, “Don’t be embarrassed. I have always failed in the relationship between lovers. I don’t know if I didn’t handle it well, or I didn’t deserve to talk frankly.”

He sat with Tao Xiaodong for a while, looking out the window.

There was a spring breeze blowing outside, the wind was wrapped in sand, and there was a small sound when it hit the glass.

“Just think it over.” Tang Suoyan stood up.

Tao Xiaodong grabbed his wrist, looked up at him, his eyes were red. He held Tang Suoyan tightly, holding it tightly, and every time he looked at him, he seemed to want to carve this person into his bones.

The two looked at each other, Tang Suoyan said: “No matter what your reason is, you make me very sad, Xiaodong.”

He withdrew his hand after speaking, turned and went back to the room.

Tao Xiaodong sat on the balcony for half the night. I didn’t move at all, and my legs became numb afterwards, and it took me a long time to stand up. In the second half of the night, I went back to my room and lay down.

I have too much to say and I have nothing to say. There are too many things in my mind but I have nothing to think about. I am just very unwilling.

This unwillingness even made him feel a little bit resentful.

How ridiculous, he and Tangning did the same thing. He held it with his hands for fear that he would not be able to support it. He thought it was not enough to give him what he could, and to this day forced him to do the same thing as Tangning.

Why the fuck.

One step forward is to ask Tang Suoyan to be involved in the rest of his life, and the next step is to let go completely. From then on, he will not have Tao Xiaodong in the second half of his life.

No matter which way you take a step, your bones will cramp. One step left and one right for so many days will tear Tao Xiaodong into two pieces.

It hurt so much, Tao Xiaodong covered his eyes with his arms in the dark.

– Why?

Tang Suoyan had already left before Tao Xiaodong left the room the next day.

They don’t drive a car these days and go their separate ways. So Tang Suoyan was a little surprised when he saw Tao Xiaodong walking in wearing a hat in the consulting room before get off work.

Tang Suoyan is in the outpatient clinic today and is about to get off work. The two intern doctors still had something to sort out, and Tang Suoyan waited for the two of them to bring it for him to sign.

Tao Xiaodong walked in at this time, and the two little doctors saw him and were amazed by his hairstyle.

Tao Xiaodong smiled at the two of them, and the two hurriedly greeted each other and fiddled with the files in their hands at a faster speed. Tang Suoyan looked at him, and Tao Xiaodong sat down on the chair opposite him.

After signing, the intern immediately took the things and left, and even closed the door behind him.

Tao Xiaodong sat here with no intention of leaving, Tang Suo said, “I’m off work.”

Tao Xiaodong nodded and forced a smile.

I just said something serious yesterday, and today Tao Xiaodong came over after get off work, looking at it carefully, making my heart soften. They were originally lovers with deep feelings, who would really be willing to do so.

Tang Suoyan put away his things, stood up from the chair, and said, “Let’s go.”

Tao Xiaodong still kept his hands in his pockets, didn’t speak, just sat there – sitting on the chair where outpatients should sit, and kept looking at Tang Suoyan.

“how-”

Tang Suoyan didn’t finish a sentence, looked into Tao Xiaodong’s eyes, and suddenly stopped speaking.